HOW-WHY

A poem by Jon Elvrum

I never knew how lost I was

I  never knew why I was lost.
I thought I was my own master, my own keeper of my own  keys
It was not true.

I thought, I knew, that life was often cruel. 
Was often sad, sometimes lonely
and difficult to make sense of.

But I believed that I would make it through
to wherever was the next place
to that next thing, that next situation,
which always managed to occur.
just before ...
before I was really ready for whatever was to be;

then as my ability to control events failed once again
I heard a word
                    asking me quietly
if I would allow myself to be helped?
if I would be still, and know who it was who could help?
     Who, could help, but GOD?
     but O how greatly did I need His help?

This was a very radical idea to me,
convinced as I was that
only I
could control my life's outcomes
only I could fight my own battles,
       overcome my own inadequacies.

My failure was very hard to embrace
difficult to admit.
and yet
I heard You
speaking
into my soul
and at once I knew it was You.
              You were with me
How did You know?
What could You see?

Suddenly I knew
that though I desperately tried
to hide my failure
from You,
You saw it clearly.

How did you see, how did You know
what I so fully needed from You?
You never lost sight of me,
I know now that You are always aware,
on the alert, ready to cover me
with Your grace
to cover me with Your favor
to inspire me to take on a different path,
a new path
where I never would have gone
in my own will.

suddenly I am on unfamiliar
yet confident ground;
suddenly, I know,
I feel that You are with me
I am not alone.

In an instant You have me, more than I can believe that I have You.

How? How can this be?

Because Your love is greater than my every weakness;
because Your faithfulness, is stronger than my every misstep.

You do the impossible.

I am left to embrace the impossible things You do because of who You are and for what You have done for all of us
for all of time.

There are things written down in deathless Scripture
never to be forgotten or ignored.
We are covered and lifted up
We are exalted by Your Word
and by, for, and through Your Will
which was always in Heaven
and is now on Earth as well.

How?

Because You are all You have declared,
so much more than we can ever merit,
because, in spite of our weakness and even in our sin:
we are wholly Yours forever.
We are Holy! And that Is How.

Let us all as one, say Amen!